Hayley Brownell All articles
Creative Process

Every Desk I've Ever Made Things At (A Little Archaeology of My Creative Life)

Hayley Brownell
Every Desk I've Ever Made Things At (A Little Archaeology of My Creative Life)

Photo: PattayaPatrol, CC BY-SA 4.0, via Wikimedia Commons

I recently helped my mom clear out the garage, and buried under a box of holiday decorations was my old dorm desk lamp — the one with the clip base and the burn mark on the shade. I held it up and immediately went down a mental rabbit hole of every place I've ever written, glued, or half-finished something.

So consider this an archaeological dig. Here's every workspace I've ever had, what it looked like, and what it says about who I was when I sat down at it.

The Dorm Desk: Creativity in Hiding

Freshman year, University of Oregon. A particleboard desk, a cinder-block bookshelf, and a roommate who watched reality TV with the volume at maximum.

My "workspace" was a laptop wedged between a mini fridge and a pile of laundry I told myself was organized. I wrote in stolen pockets of time and never, ever told anyone what I was working on. If nobody knew, nobody could ask how it was going.

What it reveals: I didn't yet believe I had permission to call myself a creative. The space matched the secrecy.

The Kitchen Table Era

After graduation, I moved into a two-bedroom apartment in Portland with two roommates and no desk. So the kitchen table became headquarters.

This was actually kind of wonderful? There was something about working in the middle of everything — dishes drying in the rack, roommates drifting in and out — that made creating feel less like a secret and more like just another thing I did. I shipped my first paid freelance piece from that table, eating cold leftover Pad Thai while I hit send.

The downside: every project required a fifteen-minute setup and teardown ritual. Scissors, notebooks, that one lamp. My whole creative life fit in a shoebox I dragged to and from my bedroom twice a day.

What it reveals: Confidence was growing. I was willing to be seen making things, even if the things weren't finished.

The Spare Room That Wasn't Really Mine

My late twenties: I finally had a spare room and declared it a studio. Then, quietly, it became the storage room. Boxes of wedding invitations. A treadmill. An air mattress for guests who visited twice a year.

I'd sit in there among the boxes and feel like a fraud. A desk in a storage room is just a table with delusions of grandeur. I produced almost nothing in that room for two years, and I blamed the room.

What it reveals: This is the chapter I want to talk about, because I think a lot of you have one. I had convinced myself that a real creative needed a real space, and the gap between my actual room and my imagined one became its own kind of writer's block. The imposter syndrome wasn't coming from the boxes. It was coming from me.

The Actual Studio (And the Truth About It)

Today I have a small studio with a big window, a secondhand drafting table, and a pegboard I organized while watching an entire season of a baking show. And I'll tell you the honest truth: it looks like a crime scene most days. Paper scraps, three mugs, sticky notes breeding on every surface.

But here's what changed. I stopped treating the mess as evidence that I was doing it wrong. The clutter means I'm in the middle of something. A clean desk has always correlated, in my life, with avoidance.

What it reveals: I finally trust that I'm a maker, so the space gets to be a workshop instead of a showroom.

What I'd Tell Past Me (And Present You)

If you're waiting for the right space to start making things, here's what a decade of desks taught me:

The lamp is on my desk now, burn mark and all. It's not a great lamp. It's just proof I've been making things in every room I've ever had, whether or not I believed it yet.

All Articles

Related Articles

Come Walk the Graveyard With Me: An Ode to My Abandoned Projects

Come Walk the Graveyard With Me: An Ode to My Abandoned Projects

Confessions From the Archive: What My Dead Notebooks Taught Me About Being a Creator

Confessions From the Archive: What My Dead Notebooks Taught Me About Being a Creator

Five Ideas I've Kept on Life Support for a Decade (and Why I'm Not Pulling the Plug)